How can you have human rights if you aren't a human?

America has finally realized how biased the media is... and is calling for government regulation of fairness. Talk about snatching defeat from the jaws of victory!

When 80% of American voters are already furious about the illegal alien problem, one shudders to think of their reaction to news of a flood of deadly-disease-ridden aliens.

Going to prison because of a botched pool installation?

"Results that raise questions about climate change theories." Well, that's one way to put it...

A federal judge is considering ordering immediate naturalization of would-be citizens, with no background investigations or document checks.

Why don't public toilets work in Seattle?

Stop using all fossil fuels within ten years, he says?

Why doesn't Mr. Bush fire the bureaucrats who won't carry out his policies? Because he can't.

Thanks to the stroke of a legalistic pen, the Chinese have accomplished what all Michael Jackson's surgeries have failed to do: changed conclusively from one color to another.