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Plugging That @#^&! Hole

Nuke it.

By Kermit Frosch  |  June 3, 2010

For some time now, our nation's airwaves have reverberated with an increasing hoot, holler, and hullabaloo over the BP's ongoing and ever-increasing, historically disastrous Gulf of Mexico oil leak.

From the moment the Deepwater Horizon slipped, burning, beneath the waves, carrying with it 11 victims and a suitably-framed government safety award, British Petroleum has thrown everything save the kitchen sink at stopping the leak.  Giant cofferdams, underwater robots, relief wells, even golf balls and other miscellaneous junk have been tried, and failed.

What's next, asking Hollywood for help?  Oops, too late - already tried that too.

Now, we're told that this disaster-in-slow-motion will continue on into the fall, past the elections, and on into Christmas!  To the accompaniment of Mr. Obama's blustering and pontification, BP's 23,000 cleanup workers are doing their best to little effect.

Because it's pouring directly out of the earth, this leak looks likely to be the biggest and worst ever recorded.  Because it's so far underwater - the only place our reigning environmentalist-wacko liberals will allow drilling anymore - fixing problems is like doing emergency repairs on Mars.  Modern technology is great, but this sort of operation is right on the bleeding edge; no surprise that all the fixes aren't working.

That being so, why have we chosen to let the Gulf turn black with petroleum when we could have the problem fixed tomorrow?

Nukes: Solving Problems Fast

What is an oil well?  Just a pipe stuck down in the ground.  Right now, that pipe happens to be a mile underwater, and goes several more miles into the earth's crust.

Something like that should be pretty fragile, right?  There's no longer any serious hope of fixing the pipe and pumping the oil out usefully.  All we need to do is smash the pipe shut so it isn't leaking anymore.

Fortunately, there is a highly effective way to instantly do exactly that: Drop a nuke on it!

BANG! Problem solved.

We don't even have to be the first.  The Russians have used this technique since the 1960s, working 4 out of 5 times.  That's far better odds than anything BP has tried.

This is the one fix BP cannot try themselves: BP has no nukes, and no easy way of getting their hands on any.  Only one man can provide the necessary bomb: Barack Obama himself.  Unfortunately, that's the same man who has, as of yet, done nothing whatsoever except talk.

So when Obama's daughter Malia asks, "Did you plug the hole yet, Daddy?", know this: he himself personally can actually plug that hole with a simple phone call to the Navy.

What's worse for the environment: a small amount of radiation a mile underwater?  Or billions of gallons of oil covering thousands of miles of seacoast and who knows how much terrain underwater, for God only knows how long?

Nuclear power has long been the cause of utmost hypocrisy by environmentalists.  Now, it looks like nuclear weapons are too.  About time!

Meanwhile, the leak pours on, while Mr. Obama sits on the quick and obvious solution.  Maybe BP can buy a nuke from North Korea?