Crazy Gas

Make American sane again!

One morning about 23 years ago, my work took me to a rural area just north of a large city. I was wearing khakis and a nice shirt. Almost immediately, a fat, white male, approximately 6 feet 6 inches tall approached me after stepping out of what appeared to be a Suzuki SUV. He falsely claimed to be "the sheriff" and declared that he "needed to arrest me."

The matter was resolved and I later stopped for a late lunch at a popular fast food restaurant in the large city. It was full of people who acted nothing short of crazy. As I ate, I laughed to myself that it was as though someone had sprayed "crazy gas" on the area.

This morning, after reading the news, I have concluded crazy gas must have been sprayed in many parts of America. I'm required to prove that I'm over 18 to watch a YouTube video in a news article, but it's okay for small children to watch a man dressed as woman do bizarre things.

It's okay to live in a tent on a public sidewalk and openly use drugs, but not to use a plastic straw or grocery bag.

It's okay to build a wall or fence around a politician's house or the Oscars, but a border wall is "uncaring" and "mean."

It's okay for a business or government agency to mandate a mask or vaccine, but a school can coerce a child into a sex-change procedure without their parents' knowledge. Crazy gas is probably colorless and odorless.

We used to use the word "normal" a lot. For instance, upon seeing a "trans" person, someone would inevitably say, "That's not normal."

While I was in grade school, forerunners of today's Woke activists began screaming back, "There's no such thing as normal!" Uh, yeah, there is, and we need to start acknowledging it again.

Consider the latest iteration of San Francisco's "reparations" plan. In a nutshell, the plan is to give a qualifying black person $5,000,000 plus $97,000 per year, forgive all of their debts, and housing for $1 per year. Yep, crazy gas.

Upon reading this plan, one of my best friends, who happens to be of German lineage, remarked that his ancestors were enslaved by the Romans. I replied that he should contact the Italian embassy and demand reparations. I told him to demand some cannoli, too.

We used to teach children to overcome hardships. Although I really hated that "It builds character" remark, the advice to "grow stronger" and my Mom's advice to "Make them (teachers) have to pull you off (from the fight)" worked against bullies.

Now, we teach children to declare themselves victims and demand "safe spaces." If anyone disagrees with the Woke-sters, they throw a tantrum and try to impose censorship. We could sure use some toxic masculinity now.

Meanwhile some ominous clouds are gathering. The only truly safe space is the one you can defend.

On March 12th, there was an incident on the Southern Border when, according to news reports, about 1,000 military-age Venezuelan males "bum rushed" the border. Yeah, yeah, I know, they are coming to work and pay taxes. And do the jobs Americans won't do. And we don't have enough people here. Blah, blah, blah. Can you say, "Fourth-Generation warfare?"

Europe has been overwhelmed by the world's largest bum rush. "Migrants" (invaders) have swept across Europe, except Hungary. I once had an EU bureaucrat's wife innocently tell me that the migrants had to come to Europe because "their land was destroyed by Climate Change and wars." Crazy gas is in Europe, too, although ordinary Europeans might be starting to realize their mistake.

Wokeness is the opposite of making yourself better, and crazy gas is nothing more than Wokeness. Nothing cleans up Wokeness like self-reliance, so spray a little toxic masculinity on it and watch the crazy gas go away. This weekend, gather your loved ones to stream a heartwarming Chuck Norris performance in Invasion USA.

A Border Bum Rush should be nothing more than the name of a margarita.

Friendly Bear is a staff writer for  Read other articles by Friendly Bear or other articles on Society.
Reader Comments

I think the San Francisco reparations plan is not as crazy as it appears if you understand it as the first step in creating a mercenary army.

April 1, 2023 1:30 PM

Well, at least we know now where all the blacks will be moving to.

April 2, 2023 6:39 PM
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