Loch Ness Monster, Victim of Global Warming

Yet another extinction for the books?

Al Gore's green troops have long argued that rising global temperatures will have a terrific impact on ecosystems all over the world.  Since most plants and animals prefer to live in a given temperature range, climate patterns that alter the range will naturally change what wants to grow or live where.

In the transition (so the argument goes), there will be countless species who don't manage to up stakes and move in time, and thus pass into extinction.  Now comes reports of the very first such victim of global warming:  Nessie the Loch Ness Monster.

Robert Rines, perhaps the most experienced and best regarded of the many seekers of the beast, is planning to make one final expedition in search of proof before giving up.  Since 1971, he has pursued this chimera with uncommon vigor, making use of an array of sonar equipment, cameras, submersibles, and all manner of gadgetry that would do Jacques Cousteau proud.  It was he who took this well-known picture, supposedly of the Monster's flipper, in 1972.

Over the years, he has recorded hundreds of sonar contacts with "large, fast-moving objects" in the Loch.  Presumably, the Monster would cause such a contact.  But of late, these indications have fallen off.

Therefore, according to the Scottish Daily Record:

Despite having hundreds of sonar contacts over the years, the trail has since gone cold and Rines believes that Nessie may be dead, a victim of global warming.

He still wants to check almost 100 contacts on the floor of the loch, believing one may be the monster's remains.

Having been the butt of jokes for many decades, we should be prepared for the demise of the Loch Ness Monster to be taken with new seriousness now that it can be attributed to what has been called "the moral issue of our time," one worthy of no less than a Nobel Peace Prize.

Let us hope that the "problem" of climate change is addressed before Bigfoot, Sasquatch, the Yeti, and the 50-Ton Mile Long Giant Killer Octopus likewise pass into the realm of myth and legend.

Kermit Frosch is a guest writer for Scragged.com.  Read other Scragged.com articles by Kermit Frosch or other articles on Environment.
Reader Comments
Brillaint, absolutely brilliant. I'm holding my sides with laughter on this one. The greenies are going to turn themselves into laughing stocks just to push the agenda a little further. I wonder if Sweden will ask Gore for the Nobel Prize back in two decades when the whole thing falls apart.
February 15, 2008 1:32 PM
A friend just forwarded this to me. I think your site is full of [insert bad word] when it comes to the very real and very serious issue of climate change. But this is story is pretty funny.

Seriously, though, get real. No one in the science community is going to add this as a real example of the negative effects. There are enough legitimate negative effects.
February 15, 2008 2:22 PM

(With regard to your last sentence) Such as?
February 15, 2008 2:45 PM
February 18, 2008 2:04 PM
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